We are all looking for the magic wand to fix and make relationships last (forever). Wouldn’t that be great if indeed there was such a thing as perfect relationship? Everything seems to be going in our favor and our relationships may be smooth sailing. One gust of wind (read unpleasant event) or few words spoken by the other, and we tend to get shaken. Small misunderstandings build up in to war cries and before we know, relationships end and marriages are destroyed. But is there some way to cherish and thrive in our relationships in spite of the troughs and crests, happily? Does spirituality make love last longer? Is there a way to respond differently to a tense situation or where there has been a misunderstanding? Most importantly, are these ways tenable for the common folk? Here are 5 coveted secrets shared with us by the global humanitarian and spiritual leader- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who founded the International Association for Human Values.
As you start living these secrets, you will be surprised yourself at how you grow in your relationships with ease. Also, when others see you, they might wonder and ask to know, what keeps your faces lit up in love and understanding? What do you do differently!
The 5 Mantras To Make Our Relationships Last
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
The way to make relationships long lasting is through right perception, right observation and right expression. Every mistake you make is really not a mistake; it is a learning process of these three vital aspects of life.
1) The first secret of relationships is to widen our lens of perception and accommodate others’ behaviour, instead of blaming them. When someone is working for 8-10 hours, they may be upset with something that happened, perhaps some losses. They come home expecting to find solace. At that time, you should allow them the space to express their frustration or anger. The spouse should be there like a midwife – allow them to deliver.
When someone is in labor pain, and you say, ‘Don’t deliver, keep the baby inside.’ What can they do? How long can they keep it inside? So allow them to express and understand why they are upset, why they are unhappy – then your relationship will work.
2) The second secret in a relationship is to give and leave some room for the partner to give. Love is when there is an exchange. This needs a little skill – to make the other also to contribute without demanding. If you are demanding from the other, the relationship is not going to last long. Demand and blame destroy love. And then, if your partner doesn’t do something that you want then you will start self-pitying – “I do everything. I have been used.” The feeling “I am being used” should be taken out of our consciousness.
For love to blossom, self-worth is essential. Never ask for proof of someone’s love for you – “Do you really love me? You don’t love me like the old days”. Imagine what a burden it is to prove that you really love and care for someone. Even if you find some lack just say, “Why do you love me so much?” Take it for granted that they love you. Ask only questions that are useful. Even if the spring has died out, it will start again.
3) The third secret of relationships is to give them space. When you love someone, you don’t give them any breathing space and they suffocate. Respect each other’s space.
4) The fourth aspect is that the relationship should be treated as a dessert, not as a main course. If your life is based on some goal, then you move in the direction and the relationship will move along. If all your focus is just on the relationship, it will not work. You can’t have a dessert for your main course.
5) The fifth aspect is to understand your own Self, your own mind, to be calm, not feverish – then your charm becomes long lasting. You have heard “unconditional love”, but just words won’t help; it has to come from our presence. Initially, when there was presence there was attraction; but the moment the presence dilutes, attraction dies out. You might have gone to beauticians and got made-up, but inside if you are uptight, agitated or tense, it shows on your face. These words get transformed into particles in the body and remain in either structured or chemical form in our body. Through meditation and proper breathing you can make your presence come alive. The nearer a person comes to you, the more charm will be there. That is the nature of our consciousness.
A relationship is like two wheels moving together and needs attention and effort. We don’t allow our love to grow old. The highest mortality rate in our society today is of a love relationship. The strength of a relationship lies in the ability to accommodate rough patches. See the situation as an opportunity on how to adapt, be accommodating, understanding and considerate. Excel in exhibiting your character rather than changing the other person. If the relationship comes from the space of giving rather than need, it is a good quality relationship.
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